You’ve heard it your whole life. Half of all marriages end in divorce. It gets repeated in sermons, in group chats, in the comments under every couple’s anniversary post like a warning label.

It isn’t true anymore, and it hasn’t been for a long time.

Divorce in America has been declining since the early 1980s. It peaked around 1980 at 22.6 divorces per 1,000 married women and has fallen to 14.4 as of 2023. And while about a third of Americans who have ever married say their first marriage ended in divorce, that number includes people who are still married right now. The 50% figure describes our parents’ generation. We are still walking around scared of a statistic that expired.

Here’s the number I’d rather you consider. 78% of couples who pray together almost every week or more report being very or extremely happy. For couples where neither partner attends church, it’s 67%. And this is the part that stopped me: researcher Brad Wilcox found that shared prayer completely accounts for the connection between church attendance and a happy relationship, and that it holds true across Black, white, Latino, and Asian couples alike. Public Discourse

Read that again. It isn’t the church house. It’s the praying. Sunday morning is good, but the thing actually moving the needle is what happens in your living room on a Tuesday when nobody else is watching.

We were called to a different standard

Scripture says we are a chosen people, called out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9). Set apart. And we are told to fix our minds on whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and commendable (Philippians 4:8). Not on the statistic somebody handed us. Not on the worst marriage we’ve ever witnessed.

The reason we get married in the first place isn’t solely our own self interest. It shouldn’t be, at least. The two become one flesh (Genesis 2:24), and Malachi 2:15 says God made them one because He was seeking godly offspring. We marry to carry legacy. To build family. To honor the Savior through our impact and our sacrifice.

Marriage is a mirror

The irony nobody warns you about is that you learn more about yourself inside a marriage than you ever will alone. Nothing shows you yourself like a spouse does. Iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17), and sharpening has never once been a gentle process.

When you bring God into the unit, the things that used to matter more than anything start to shrink. The argument you were determined to win becomes a question of how to respond instead of how to prove your point. Your non-negotiables get tested. Your patience gets tested. But the reward isn’t only a better relationship with your spouse. It’s a new confidence in Christ.

And before anyone quotes Ephesians 5 at me: it opens with submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ (v. 21). Mutual. Then it tells husbands to love their wives the way Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her (v. 25). That is not a small ask. Nobody in that passage gets to sit down.

Is the suffering worth it?

I’ve asked that. Out loud, more than once.

What I keep coming back to is that Jesus said it plainly and to me was more of a command than a suggestion. In this world you will have trouble. He didn’t soften it. But He didn’t stop there either, because the next thing out of His mouth was take heart, I have overcome the world (John 16:33).

I made a promise that even in the suffering, I would choose us.

I’m looking forward to the day I can say with certainty that the hard times were worth it. I believe we’re coming out of a tough season, and I’ve already seen dramatic change. I hold onto Jeremiah 29:11, and I hold onto the part people skip: God spoke those words to people He had just told to settle down in exile and build houses there. The plan to prosper them came with a wait attached. That is not a disappointment. That’s the pattern.

I have no doubt my marriage will help someone when the time is right. I only hope God lets me be there to see it. And whether or not I am, I’m told to be an example to the believers (1 Timothy 4:12), which means some of this had to be lived before it could be shared.

There’s more coming. But the reason for this one is simple. See the real numbers. Hang onto hope.

I’m right here with you, and God is faithful.

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